Hello folks! I hope you're ready for the spooky season. I still can't believe it's October already. This year just flew by 💨. Here I am, bringing another important topic to the table that affects your personality and the way you think about things. So, without any further ado, let's get started.
I have moved through countries, states, and cities. I have learned that true friends stick by your side no matter how far you are from them. Your real friends are like your family. Sometimes, even closer than family. While we don't get to choose our family, we do get to choose our friends. Both family and friends will judge us at some point in our lives, but one of them makes that judgment just much more fun. Friends provide you that unique unbiased feedback that your family may not be able to just because they may think it's uncomfortable to tell you the truth. I grew up watching friends, and that show has a certain amount of comfort that makes me want to rewatch it again and again. These are just a couple of reasons that explain why we prefer to live with our friends compared to our families. Friends remind us how to be alive again🤷🏻♀️
All the Moving Makes Jack a Lonely Boy (AMLB)
Because I have moved plenty of times, it's been hard to make the ride-or-die friends. Hell, I am planning to move again soon, lol. Although, I am very grateful for the ones that have made it so far with me. I call them the real day one G's. I know many people who face this same problem. But this still shouldn't stop us from finding our real friends. After all, distance is not directly proportional to the level of friendship.
Despite all the moving, I still managed to make some close friends. Now, understand that there are different levels of friendships, and not all your friends need to be on level one. A good friend can exist on any level. I define a good friend like this, "When you meet them, it's like you were never separated, and you want to hear about all the stories you missed and their future plans." A close friend exists on level one. I define close friends like this, "They are aware of all the stories in all the fields of your life. You can sit and chill with them in silence. They give you the real, unfiltered advice/feedback." That close friend doesn't have to live in the same city, state, or country, and the same goes for the good friend. The only thing differentiating a close friend from a good friend is the level of communication.
How I Choose my Friends (HIF)
No rocket science here, but I am very particular about the company I keep. I am a sole believer in the quote that you become like the people you keep around yourself. If your friends are into partying, smoking, drinking, girls/guys, gossip, that's what your interests will be most likely. I don't really care about what my good friends do daily, but if my close friends don't have goals and habits like me, no offense, but I will be degrading their level on my friendship list.
The only requirement on my friend application is that you be your true self and vibe with me. Be loyal and honest if you want to make it to my close friends' group.
Often, you may call someone your close friend, but they get tested when you need their help. This is why I prefer quality over quantity. You can have many friends, but who will have your back in the time of need? There are some times of crisis where you can't ask your family for help because they might not understand the situation. For example, you get arrested for speeding. Now, if you call your dad/mom, they will probably be furious and yell at you. They will probably ground you and place more restrictions on you. This is a perfect example of when you will call your friends for help. They will bail you out, and they will never question your speeding because they know you love driving fast. They will offer you a piece of advice like to watch out for cops or use Waze. This act of kindness makes your friend go into your hall of fame of friendships.
The Bad Influence (TBI)
We can't be talking about friends and not discuss how a group of negativity can affect our lives. As you grow up, you realize your likes and dislikes. You may start by hanging out with a group of bad influences, and that's OK. The problem occurs when you realize that they are a bad influence, and you continue to hang out with them so that you're not left alone.
As the saying goes...
"Better to Be Alone than to be in Bad Company"
And when I tell you how beneficial this quote is, believe me! In the early days of life, your mindset is in the making. It's like some clay in a mold. Your mind becomes what you feed it, and the type of environment you provide it is what it becomes. I remember being the new kid at school and having no friends. I saw different groups of friends, and nobody matched my vibe. So, I kept a distance from everyone in my high school and went to college. College is where I saw diversity. I already knew I would make friends here, and I did. I am so thankful for the decisions I made in terms of my company because it will help me achieve my goals in the future.
Z, Does Gender (A)Matter in Friendships? (DGAF)
Z's classic phrase:
This might be the most critical part of the whole topic. Please come at me because I am ready to fight😈
Honestly, I don't care about your gender. I don't consider myself very girly, so I don't have many female friends. When I tried to make female friends, I found they were very toxic, especially with the gossip and comparison. I didn't see too many career-focused/goal-oriented females in my surroundings. Everyone appeared to be talking about guys and how they wanted to get married, which scared the shit out of me. My whole life journey is based on destroying stereotypes and being independent, so hearing ladies around me letting a guy ruin their life was like a RED ALERT to me.
As a result, I have many guy friends. Guys are usually responsible for taking care of their families, so many of them are money and career-focused. These are my top two goals, so I vibe with them better. Being a Muslim and female, I do face some criticism from some people for having guy friends. But educating and communication is the fix here. If a guy who happens to be my friend tries to hit on me, I just let them know that the only thing I have my eyes on is the bag💰🤷🏻♀️ They automatically back off, and now they are just here to vibe too. Yes, you may face once in a moon those insecure guys who take it personally. You just cut them off because they never deserved to be your friend in the first place.
The Scarcity of Knowledge (SK)
Think of friendship as a relationship but having more freedom. Some of my friends got into relationships and just forgot how to act like a friend. (Guys) It's totally fine if your girl is not OK with having female friends. Just let your friends know about it. The same goes for girls (vice versa). Don't just start acting like an ass. If you are about to start a relationship, communicate with your partner the dynamics of friendship, you have with your friends.
This is what I did with my family. Every time they tried to make a big deal about having guy friends, I told them my goals and dreams and said that I had no reason to lie or hide anything. I have a priority list just like the data structure (hehe). My priority is my success. I don't want to be alone on the top :)
Many people try to romanticize friendships, and while that may be true in some cases, in most cases, it's not. Platonic friendships can be so much more beneficial than demeaning. Let's say you have a habit of not listening to anyone; your friend can call you out on it and tell you that if they don't fix this habit, this might harm their future relationships. Your lady friend can also act as a great wing woman. They can guide you on the current market trends and help you in your dating life. Of course, there comes the part where it's hard to be comfortable with any guy for girls because they are afraid of their safety. This is where guys will have to get their dog acts together and act in a way that will make their friends feel safe. We ladies are terrified of our safety, so please, guys, be nice to us. This kind of change won't happen overnight, but it's better to spread the word.
OK Z, We Get It. Make Good Friends and...
Listen, I am just saying that friends make your life easy. You don't need a lot of friends. Just a couple you can vibe with and who can give you good advice. You don't have to go to parties with them to hang out. You can grab food and listen to music. If you live around a scenic area, take a nice drive at night. However, you prefer to hang out with them. Good friendships are not hard to keep up. They flow like a river. You don't have to feel uptight or any pressure. You are not obligated to agree to everything, and it provides you a different perspective on things. You can learn and grow to be a better version of yourself.
So friends, enjoy your twenties making friends and not getting into the pressure of a relationship. Friendships can be so beautiful. Always remember, if you aren't sure about anything, communicate. It makes life so much easier, especially during miserable times of life.
Oh, I made acronyms throughout the whole blog. See the list below:
DGAF - Don't Give A Fuck
TBI - Too Broke Influence
HIF - Health Insurance Friends
AMLB - AM i really a Lonely Boi
SK - Special Knowledge
Happy October! Thanks for reading. See ya in two weeks👋🏻
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