Some of my friends have asked me this question multiple times by now:
"Who's your ideal Z?"
My answer has been the same since day one. And the answer is:
"Myself"
Yes, you read that right. This is not a self-obsession post but rather a self-appreciation and recognizing the power you carry within yourself kind of post. If you are interested in revealing your secret powers, read on.
Many people spend their entire life pretending to be someone else. They want to appear the best in the eye of the public. They are focused on making other people happy and doing whatever it takes to accomplish that, even if that means changing their personality to match someone else's. They don't realize that they miss out on the potential of seeing their own best version. They could've been the next Elon Musk or Bill Gates, but instead, they chose to be like their neighbor Sarah who makes amazing TikToks. Nothing wrong with making TikToks, it's just they didn't dig the best version of themselves.
Healthy Relationship With Yourself
The process of becoming your OWN ideal starts with getting mental clarity and establishing a solid foundation of a relationship with yourself. Why is this important? Because a building built on a weak foundation will collapse one day, and you don't want that to happen to yourself. There are many days when I feel overwhelmed. There are so many things going on in my head, and I don't know where to begin. Sometimes, napping/sleeping helps with the calming process, but other days it doesn't. On those days, I start journaling. I need to empty my cup to pour anything further into it. Once that's done, I feel calm and get clarity on things.
Here are a couple of things you have to answer to establish a good relationship with yourself:
What truly matters to me?
This can be a career, personal life, moral based question. Ask yourself, if there were no restrictions in life, what would you be doing right now? Figure out why is your ideal future so impossible to achieve. Try to break it down. Then slowly add some real-life restrictions and make a plan.
Do I care about people's opinions?
This one is important. A couple of days ago, I was talking to this guy who kept asking me this question, "Do you think I am a good guy?". Mind you, it's been six months since I have last talked to him. So, what gives me the authority to determine whether he's a good guy? What matters is what he thinks of himself, and clearly, him repeatedly asking for validation was a significant sign that he wasn't sure about it either.
You're a formula of your own. You are unique for a reason.
Like I said early, you don't have to copy anyone. Figure out what attracts and gives utter happiness and butterflies to you. Or is there a subject matter you can indefinitely talk about?
Have compassion for yourself
I am a victim of this. This past Ramadan, my goal was to develop compassion that mainly focused on other people, but I forgot about myself. I am often hard on myself and don't respect the timing of things in my own life. I'm not where I would like to be in an ideal life, but that's how life works. So stop beating yourself up, and as Nike says, "Just Do It".
Go on a date with yourself and ask yourself those questions.
Take yourself out or cook a nice romantic meal and ask yourself questions that you typically ask your date. Take a mental or actual note of it. If the answers you hear make you happy, you're on the right path. If any of those answers give you bad vibes, go back to them and ask yourself why. If it's a work in progress, then let it be.
Let go of the things your family taught you if you don't believe in them.
You heard me right. Any family traditions, myths, talks, or whatever doesn't make sense to you, research it first. Then ask your family questions about it, and if it still doesn't align with your values, move on. Some things like lying sometimes get normalized even in my family if it's for the greater good, and I am totally against it. For that reason, some family members don't like me because I am brutally honest, but slowly they realize it's better than someone bickering behind your back. My family doesn't agree with some of my values. That's ok with me because we are unique for a reason.
In Conclusion
As far as I know, we only get one shot at this life thing. I want to spend most of it focusing on and improving myself. Idealize yourself, and you will never seek validation from anyone, including your partners. Know that you are trying your best, and you will get there. Look into five years ahead and ask yourself questions about yourself. And if you're not trying your best, let this be a gentle reminder to "get your ass up and work". Be your own best friend, and don't let anyone give you a timeline on life. Only look around to get inspiration and not to feel bad about yourself. Remember, your time is just around the corner.
Question for me five years from now: "Are you still a fan of fried chicken?"
Until next time, Peace!
Great work ! ivrs