This Ramadan, I want to dedicate my blogs to mental and spiritual well-being. There are some basic principles that Quran teaches us and science supports them as well which can make a huge difference in the way we live our lives. Oftentimes, we get so caught up in things emotionally, that our ability to make clear and unbiased decisions gets clouded. We may pretend that the emotional side of us is not invested in a decision, but anytime someone uses a phrase like "I feel like", "I want to", "I wish", or "I am more inclined towards" is projecting the emotions in them.
So, how can we make better decisions without getting our emotions involved? This is where the law of detachment comes in.
What is Detachment?
Detachment is the ability to let go of attachments to outcomes, possessions, people, or ideas. It involves being able to observe situations and experiences without becoming emotionally invested in them and to release any attachment to expectations or desires. Detachment does not necessarily mean being indifferent or uncaring, but rather approaching situations with a more open and accepting mindset.
What are the benefits of Detachment?
Practicing detachment can have many benefits, such as reducing stress, increasing resilience, and improving relationships. It allows us to approach situations with a clearer perspective, free from the biases and emotional reactions that can cloud our judgment. It also allows us to move forward with greater ease and flexibility, since we are not held back by attachment to specific outcomes or ideas.
Detachment in Women
Detachment is specifically hard for women to practice as we are labeled the "caring" and more nurturing gender in society. In many cultures, women are often socialized to prioritize their relationships and caregiving responsibilities, which can make it difficult to detach from these roles and responsibilities. Women also face greater pressure to be emotionally expressive and nurturing, which can lead to a greater tendency to become emotionally invested in situations and relationships. Additionally, women may face unique challenges related to attachment in intimate relationships, such as codependency and a fear of abandonment. These issues can make it difficult to practice detachment in relationships and let go of attachment to specific outcomes or expectations. Another reason for women to fear detachment is that it can imply that we do not care and that we are not a good example of a "typical woman". From a very young age, all women have been trained to respond instantly to such matters and that if they do not, there must be something inherently wrong with them.
Detachment in Islam
Let me introduce you to a term that I recently discovered called "Zuhd". Zuhd refers to detachment from material possessions, worldly desires, and excessive indulgence in worldly pleasures.
Zuhd is a highly valued topic in Islam as it helps us focus on the eternal rather than the temporary. The pursuit of wealth, power, and pleasure is seen as a distraction from the ultimate goal of serving Allah and attaining paradise in the afterlife and this is why practicing Zuhd realigns our spiritual and physical goals.
Attaching yourself to things
One of the biggest problems that most people and specifically Muslims face in today's society is fitting in with society's standards. Many people make impulsive decisions and break the bank to buy that Gucci bag or Rolex watch to fit in with their group of friends. What they are forgetting is that this Dunya is very temporary, unpredictable, and imperfect. Comparing yourself to others and not living up to someone else's standards also causes anxiety which ultimately leads to the restlessness of the heart. How do you expect to feel at peace when you are the root of your problems?
Attaching yourself to people
I saw this beautiful saying last night on Instagram:
"And each time anyone lets you down, let it be a reminder for you, that you truly have no one, but Allah."
SubhanAllah! When our loved ones leave or hurt us we feel drowned and lost. It is almost like being left in a desert amidst a storm. We lose peace of mind and tranquillity. This worldly life is a means to an end; however, since we make it our end we get duped. In Islam, a true believer is someone who detaches himself from his circumstances and looks at these people as his temporary companions who he meets along the journey as he traverses to his ultimate destination.
Let me bear witness that detaching yourself from people has the biggest benefits. No one has the power of breaking or harming you because you haven't invested in them emotionally instead you have invested in them based on how they treat you, if they help you become a better person, or if they ease your journey to Allah.
Detachment in Ramadan
Ramadan is the best way to explain the concept of detachment. From dawn to sunset, we abstain from all food, drink, sexual intimacy, and vain speech.
By restraining our physical self, we ennoble, purify, and exalt our spiritual self. Through fasting, we are forced to detach ourselves from our physical needs, desires, and pleasures.
Have you ever thought why were Muslims prescribed five prayers in a day at a specific time? We could have been told to pray all five at one time or pray once a week but just performing prayers wasn't the goal. We are constantly reminded throughout our five prayers during the day to detach ourselves from our worldly responsibilities and to realign our focus. This is to make sure we don't get too caught up in our temporary problems and be grateful for all we have been blessed with in this world.
In Conclusion
Despite what society says about women practicing the law of detachment, I practiced this myself a year ago. Since then, I swear, people entering or leaving my life doesn't affect me anymore. People come into your life for a reason, season, or a lesson and they will stay if they see a reason. But one of the biggest laws of nature is that you can't force something. If someone wants to leave you, kindly show them the exit. If someone wants to enter your life, and it's for a good/developmental reason, welcome them with a gentle heart. Remember, you are going to be judged based on your behavior, so whether the other person is kind or rude to you, do not let go of your empathy or kindness. But once you truly understand the concept of Zuhd, you will notice how life becomes more peaceful and your expectation of results does not carry too much weight on you.
I recommend that you still research the concept of Zuhd as there is so much more to it. But this is all for today. I hope you have a blessed Ramadan.
Until next time, Peace❤️🩹
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