Hola friends and family👋🏻. Happy last month of the year. We are so close to the end of this year, which indicates a great time to develop positive habits💪🏼. While there are many good habits to choose from, I will discuss the emotion called anger for today's discussion. Anger is a very crucial emotion. Not everyone has the guts to converse about it. Mostly because anger is a mixture of love, sadness, frustration, stress, and fear, I can even name a couple of more emotions, but I will leave that for later. Discussing 'emotions' is a very tough subject itself, even for me😓. But to get on a different level in life, we have to learn to deal with uncomfortable things. This also includes having difficult conversations. It is always better to have a conversation than to ignore it until something bad happens.
Anger is an emotion that requires a lot of patience and understanding. It took me years to get on this level. Because to understand the root of anger, you have to reverse psych it🧐. You have to dig on a deeper level of the real cause behind this outburst. Is it your lifestyle? Is it your patience level? Are you projecting someone else's anger? Do you feel helpless? There can be many reasons behind it. So, for today's discussion, I will talk about what is upsetting you, if you can control it, and eventually a suggestion to fix your anger issues.
How Is My Anger Affecting Me?
You see, some emotions are more potent than others. Let's take an example: You are celebrating your birthday with friends and family, and your nephew calls you and tells you that he crashed your brand new Range Rover. At first, you will automatically feel outraged, and then you will ask him if he's doing ok. Then for the rest of your birthday party, you will stay mad at him. In the example, we saw how this person went from a joyful mood to an agitated mood all of a sudden, and they couldn't get rid of that mood. This leads to unwanted anxiety even though your nephew has everything he needs, and your insurance will cover all the costs.
This is not all; even the health sciences have proven that anger increases the risks of heart attack and depression. It's an emotion that can quickly take over our personality, and the next thing you know, people are describing us by emotion. Nobody wants to be around a person who is always occupied by anger and yelling at people. When you are angry, your ability to listen to the other party's argument goes down most of the time. You can also blurt out words that can hurt someone's feelings seriously. Lastly, when we are angry, we start arguing with people, and we get to a point where our words don't even make sense because we get surrounded by this cloud of confusion.
What Is Upsetting Me And Why?
Have you ever been upset but don't know the reason? It happens to me occasionally. I will feel very frustrated on minor issues. In the past, I never took a moment to understand the 'why' behind my frustration. But since I have upgraded to this mental health level, I try to find my 'why' and then fix it. Knowing the 'why' behind your frustrations is to understand why your code isn't working. When your code doesn't work, you will say that it has bugs in it. To fix those bugs, you have to debug it, aka find the 'what' and 'why' behind it. When you find what is breaking your code and why it's doing it, your code becomes all happy again. And who doesn't love bug-free code😸 ?
Sorry, I got a bit nerdy there for a second. So, old me used to have temperamental issues. I was always heated, ready to fight. Whenever I got angry, I wasn't listening to the other person, just arguing back even if it didn't make sense. After yelling or cursing at someone, I immediately felt better. I knew I didn't appreciate my attitude like this and wanted a change. So, I started researching how to maintain that zen level in a difficult situation. Since then, I have seen a difference in my attitude. Now I don't talk to people who start yelling at me instead of hearing the problem.
Unfortunately, my dad has temperamental issues, and he never tried to resolve them. I love my dad to death, but I can't change my morals for anyone. It's called self-respect. Let me tell you a short story. I went back to visit my parents this year after four years. It was my second day there when one of our family friends created a big chaotic conversation by misunderstanding me and complaining to my dad. This resulted in my dad yelling at me after we had this huge party at our house. I heard my dad and then told him that he needed to stop yelling at me immediately; otherwise, I would pack my bags and leave right now. He got quiet immediately, but I didn't see him for the rest of the night. The 'why' behind my dad's frustration was the yelling he received from his sister after that chaotic conversation. He took it out on me. The following day I remember him apologizing to me, and of course, I forgave him.
The same goes for my brother. He started yelling at me one night, and I told him that if he needed to have a conversation, he could speak to me like a civil person; otherwise, he can project his frustration at his mother because I'm not going to tolerate it. My brother's 'why' was his sleep deprivation.
What's The Solution? SILENCE
Once you have realized your 'what' and 'why', it's time to practice controlling that anger. My biggest fix is silence. Every time I get angry, I just try to take a couple of breaths and then just get silent. This technique is helpful, especially if you are in an argument. When you become silent in an argument, you are no longer channeling the other person's energy. There will be a time when the other person will stop yelling, and there will be silence. That silence will say a lot about the situation. Return back to the argument when the person has cooled down. They will actually listen to you, and you will both try to find a mutual ground to settle the conversation. Once you master this technique, others will start noticing this about you. You will also realize that nothing will make you mad anymore. Yelling and getting angry is not encouraged in the first place, but the person who learns to control it gets higher praise than anyone.
So, friends, I hope you learned something today, and if you did, don't forget to press the little heart button on the bottom so I can see the impact of this article. Love y'all!
xoxo✨
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